WANT!

Roller Coaster of Emotions...

This whole unexpected pregnancy had really thrown me for a loop. Tim & I toyed with the idea of having a 4th child... but that thought really didn't last long. Our lives were already full, the 3 kids we had already kept us busier than busy and I already felt that my time with each one was stretched to it's limit. I had 3 kids, how could I love another one as much as I loved them? Hannah was to be my last baby... so naturally I had babied her. I couldn't imagine her being a big sister... she was supposed to be my baby. So, in our hearts, we were done and ready to move onto the next stage of our lives... raising our 3 children. No more pregnancies... I gave away all of my maternity clothes. No more newborns... I gave away all of my baby clothes. No more all nighters with a newborn, no more nursing... and my heart was ok with this. I was ready to move on from that stage.
I remember feeling very angry and in disbelief when I found out I was pregnant. It didn't feel real to me. I just could not wrap my mind around having another baby in our family. This was not in our plans and I had already mentally checked out of the whole pregnancy & newborn thing. Over time, friends & family would ask how 'I was doing', 'how I was feeling' & if 'I was getting excited' and my answers were always the same... 'I'm not ready'... 'I still can't believe I'm having another baby'... 'it doesn't feel real yet' and sometimes I'd just lie and put on a good smile and say 'yes, we're so excited!' These were my answers pretty much right up until I delivered. LOL! I didn't buy anything or set anything up for this unexpected baby until pretty much a few weeks before she arrived. One thing that did help through this roller coaster of emotions {to say the least} was that this was a really easy pregnancy physically. I did not get sick, I never got terribly achy or hormonal and I was sleeping through the night for the most part up until I delivered.

I got my cerclage placed at 13 weeks, took my 22 weeks of progesterone injections {man am I glad I'll NEVER have to do those again!} and then got my cerclage removed at 35 weeks. Hannah arrived 7 days after my cerclage was removed so I was expecting about the same with this one. So we waited... and waited... and waited. My anxiety about delivery day was through the roof this time around. You'd think, this being my 4th, I would feel confident but I was sooo scared and I can't really explain why. I'm typically not an anxious person but I told Tim that he was going to have to pull me into that hospital kicking & screaming when the time came. At my 38 week check-up I was 5cm dialated and contracting off & on. My goal with this LAST baby was not to have to use pitocin like I did with my other 3 kids. My mind was completely set on it. I wanted to experience natural contractions and not those harsh pitocin contractions. My dr. was on board with it. Once I hit 39 weeks, I was still 5cm dialated & 100% effaced and contracting more regularly {this is all very normal for me}. I asked if he could just break my water and let me start labor on my own, and he agreed.

Soooo... the evening of July 10th, we had a nice family dinner for my grandma's birthday then we went home and packed our hospital bags {yep, I hadn't even packed MY hospital bag}. We went to bed around 11pm and I cried myself to sleep, thinking of all the things that could go wrong and the possibility of not making it through the delivery and never seeing my children again {silly & dramatic, I know!}. The morning of July 11th, we woke up late {of course!}, I jumped in the shower, got ready while Tim packed the car and said good bye to our sleeping children. We arrived at the hospital and were put in the 'old' part of L&D. The room was very small and a bit out dated. I was quite disappointed and nervous about the amount of room we had for the crew that was going to be with us that day... our photographer, Tim, my mom & my friend Shane. But my nurse was soooooo sweet and so helpful. Both her & my dr. reassured me that it would all be fine and 'the more the merrier!' LOL! Dr. Hodges broke my water around 8:30am. I walked the halls and laid in bed for the next several hours waiting for contractions to pick up. They picked up some, but nothing timable. I should also add that I was put on a new monitoring system for my contractions & baby's heart beat. I had electrodes placed all over my belly and the contractions & heart rate were monitored wirelessly. I was the FIRST women in Idaho to have this done.... so special, right?! ;o) After several hours my nurse suggested I sit on the birthing ball. So the ball it was! I rocked back & forth and side to side for about 15 minutes and my contractions & pressure immediately started to change. I requested an epidural right away because I could tell things were changing FAST. Once my epidural was placed, I was checked and found to be 7cm dialated. Within 20 minutes I called the nurse because I was ready to push. She called my dr. right away and he literally ran from his office across the street to get here in time. I pushed through 3 contractions and out she came. My delivery was PERFECT! And she was healthy! Clare Ann Compton was born at 2:41pm, weighing 6lbs. 12oz. and 18 inches long. She was/is perfect.

How I could have ever questioned/stressed so much how I could ever love another child the way I love my others is now beyond me. I love Clare so much! This is my 4th baby... I should have known that my heart would just grow for her. She is a great sleeper & nurser and just the sweetest little thing. And now of course, I can't imagine NOT having her. My heart is truly so so so happy.

With that said, we are now officially DONE. DONE having kids! This is it. I forgot to mention, we got Tim fixed while I was still pregnant to make sure there would be no more suprises. LOL!

A little thing we call 'LIFE'...

Tim

work

homework

coaching the kids t-ball teams

playing reserve cop in Boise County

nightly wrestling matches with the kids

picking up mom's slack on house work & daily chores

pretty much being super dad & super husband!!!

Jacki

growing a baby whom will soon be making her grand entrance

chasing babies & kids around the house

shuffling kids to & from t-ball games

daily afternoon naps

doing lots of washing, folding & hanging

sorting, throwing away, donating... nesting

feeling baby kicks

counting contractions

sleeping through the WHOLE night at 35 weeks pregnant {making for a happy momma!}

Allie

independent

playing mother hen

a coloring fool

playing momma to her babies

making her own PB&J's

playing coach pitch/t-ball

helping mommy with laundry & cleaning

sleeping in her new bunk bed

sharing a room with Hannah

missing school & her teacher

studying to become a 1st grader

watering the flowers

swinging higher than ever

changing outfits 3x per day

Kole

playing army guys

going going going from sun up to sun down

hunting down bugs in the backyard

playing shadow to daddy

amazing fit thrower & whiner

playing t-ball

batting left handed & throwing right handed

still taking daily naps

digging in the dirt

making gun & sword holsters out of anything

getting warmed up for preschool this fall

enjoying having his own room again

tormenting his sisters

giving mommy daily massages

finally fitting into 4t clothing {he's almost 5}

being a jokster

in denial that he's having ANOTHER sister

Hannah

wanting to do everything herself

still enjoying her daily bananna & poptart for breakfast

being our entertainer & jokster

sharing a room with big sister

wandering around the yard with the big kids

loving her new swing

being our little fish in the bathtub, pool or hose

constantly in need of a 'yum'

pantry shopper

cupboard emptier

laundry unfolder

toy box dumper

non-meat eater {she is clearly NOT a Compton!}

dwindling down to just 1 nap per day

saying 'mama', 'yum', 'cheese', 'yep' & 'spongebob'

Clare

35 weeks old, still holding out in mommy's tummy

weighing in right around 5lbs.

head down

having a case of the hiccups about 4-6 times per day

giving mommy contractions

kicking mommy in the bladder

poking mommy in the belly button {icky feeling if you can imagine}

packing on the pounds, in prep to make her grand entrance in about 2-3 weeks

27 weeks...

I'm not brave enough to post a picture. I'm just not feelin it this time around. I already weigh more than when I gave birth to Allie, Kole or Hannah. UGH! The worst part, I just realized my drivers license is expired and I have to go get a new one! Why now?! Why do I need to get my mug shot taken when my chin is clearly pregnant too?! And what the heck to I put down for my 'weight'? LOL!

Buuut... I can't complain too much. I think this has been a pretty easy pregnancy compared to Allie & Kole's. This pregnancy is pretty similar to Hannah's. I'm starting to get the aches & pains and tiredness that comes along with the 3rd trimester. I often have to take little cat naps during naptime during the day and then I'm in bed for the night around 9:30pm. So far my progesterone injections & cerclage are doing their jobs. I haven't had to do any bedrest and hopfully it will remain that way. I'll be taking my last progesterone injection in about 8 weeks and will be getting my cerclage taken out in 9 weeks. And then she is free to come anytime after. YIKES!!! I don't feel ready. LOL!

Allie used to love to put her hand on my belly when I was pregnant with Hannah. It was really exciting for her to feel the kicks & bumps. This time for some reason, she has no interest at all. I ask her all the time if she wants to feel the baby move and she just doesn't. She is, however, excited for the baby to come. Kole likes to feel the baby move. Though, he doesn't often sit still long enough to actually feel her move. He just puts his hand on my stomach and quickly says, 'I feel her!' and then runs off. Typical boy. He is VERY much into pampering me though. I love it! He talks very softly and sweetly when asking if I want a massage or my hair brushed. He likes to hear my feedback on his massage skills too. LOL! I often hear, 'is this the best massage mom?', 'do you like me to brush your hair so will grow like Ripunzel's?' So cute! Hannah... well... she just has no clue whats about to happen. If she's sitting my lap and I ask her to give the baby a love, she'll turn to my belly and lay her head on it, but she really has no clue that there really is a baby inside.

I'm getting excited to meet this little person inside of me! I can't wait to see who she looks like. Allie & Kole look more like Tim, while Hannah looks more like me. Who will this little gal look like? Allie & Kole were baldies, while Hannah was born with lots of hair. Will this little one have hair? She will be here before we know it!!!!

Family Closet...

So I mentioned a couple of weeks ago on Facebook about our Family Closet plans. You see, all of our bedrooms are upstairs and our laundry room is downstairs {obviously a women did not come up with this house plan! Just sayin.}. Anywho, we also have this spare bedroom downstairs that just happens to sit right next to this said laundry room... convenient. This room is pretty much just a 'catch all' room for our family. We really didn't use it or need it. Soooo, I came up with this brilliant idea to turn it into a big walk-in closet for the kids. So I did some digging around on the internet for some inspiration. Unfortunately for me, the only family closets that I could find were for huge 'Dugger size' families and they were NOT cute. So I had to come up with my own.

So, here we have the Compton family closet. This is just one side of the room. The other side is identical. Each kid will have their own section. I made the curtains at the bottom to cover up their shoe bins that will go underneath. And each kid has 2 baskets, one for undies & one for socks.

On the opposite wall of the window is a smaller wall that will hold this full length mirror. I will hang this cute yellow floating shelf {it hasn't found a permanent home in my house for like 2 years} underneath the mirror, sort of as a little counter/shelf/getting ready table. I think it will go perfectly there. The round silver mirror, I'm not really sure where it is going but I'm sure it will find a home in here too.

And finally, I picked up 3 of these cute little bow holders for all 3 girls {i still can't believe I'm going to be the mom of 3 girls! 3GIRLS!!!}. They will be hung to the side of the mirror.

I still have quite a bit to do in this room. Some red curtains need to be hung. My 'Laundry' sign will be hung above the window. I'm going to pick up some cube benches from Target to put underneath the window for a place to put shoes on and more storage. We also have a beautiful blue baby changing table that is no longer being used. Tim is going to build a top for it to turn it into a folding table to put in the middle of the room. I'm so excited for this! Also, I found an easy tutorial on Pinterest to create the profile silhouette of each child. I'll frame those up and hang them above each kid's section. Super cute! I'm so excited to get this 'closet' done! You will probably ALWAYS find me in here! I can just picture myself in here, listening to some music, smelling some clean breeze Scentsy, folding some laundry. Eeeeeek!!!! :o)

the things I want to remember...

I feel like I have so many things I want to post about my kids. Each day just goes by so fast and I feel like before I know it, we'll be 10 years down the road and I won't remember any of these little details that are so important to me now. I've never been good about writing in my kid's baby books. I'm just not that mom. I find myself more often sitting back and soaking things in and just watching them.

Allie, now at the age of 5... almost 6... she is the sweetest thing. She is my little mother-hen. She likes to keep everyone in check and make sure everyone is doing the right thing. She doesn't really like to live on the edge... she's more of a 'play it safe' kinda gal and she wants to make sure everyone is safe around her. To say the least, she deeply cares about everyone around her. She often comes home from school and tells me stories about how, 'so&so' was mean to 'so&so' and that that probably really hurt her feelings... and it's not good to hurt peoples feelings... because how would we like it if someone hurt our feelings... and... and... and. She typically likes to talk about this in length. With all this sweet talk, I do have to say she's got her little evil side too. She's learning how to manipulate her little brother and she's pretty sly about it. And when trouble comes, she's quick to point the finger at him. She's also becoming waaay more independent than I want her to. She's got her own ideas of what she wants to wear, how she does her hair, what she wants to eat, when she wants to eat... you name it, she can argue about it. I know it just comes with the territory though. Overall, I'm proud that so far I've raised a pretty caring kid. And, man, is she a daddy's girl! She LOVES her daddy!

Kole, now 4.... he is BUSY. He is going from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed! Unlike Allie, he definitely lives his little life on the edge. Pretty much nothing scares him. And he is ALL boy. I constantly find him with a sword in his belt loop and his rain boots on. He is very content playing by himself and actually really thrives on it. He likes to setup all of his army guys in rows facing each other ready for a combat. He can play like this for hours... by himself. This poor little guy is surrounded by girls. He's learned to play pretty well with them... though his testosterone comes out eventually. Usually some army guys will come busting into Allie's perfectly setup Barbie house and then it's world war 3 between the 2 of them. Kole thinks it's hilarious {and so do I}! I've also learned that Kole is a very sensitive little soul. Very sensitive. He has always been this way.He gets his feelings hurt very easily and he tends to over think things, which often breaks my heart. We've struggled with this for the last few years, but I'm hoping it will be something that he'll grow out of if we work on it enough. This little kid also has his dad's humor. He loves to tease & play jokes on people. He is not shy. He's that kid that will stick his head out the window of the car and carry on a conversation with a complete stranger. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. LOL! I love this little guy... he's a little bit of everything and he definitely keeps me on my toes! I feel like I could go on and on about Kole because he just has so many sides to him. He's definitely an interesting little devil.

Hannah, now almost 16 months is my mischievous, not scared of anything kid. I think she's going to be a lot like Kole. She's tougher than he is though. LOL! Like I explained in my last post, Hannah is the ruler of this roost. Basically, we all bow down to this little girl. She loves Allie and most of the time is scared of Kole. LOL! They are both a little rough with her at times and I find myself often swooping into rescue her. She LOVES to sit at the table with the kids in the playroom and eat snacks with them. She just grins from ear to ear the whole time and you can tell she feels like such a big kid. Of all the kids, I think Hannah looks the most like me when I was a baby. Finally! One of them looks like me! Allie & Kole just look so much like Tim.  Like Allie, Hannah is also a daddy's girl. When Tim walks in the door after work, she just lights up like nothing else! If she's in the playroom and hears his boots walk through the house, she comes out all wide eyed looking for him. I love it {and so does Tim!}. I know we're going to create a monster but she really is the little princess in this house {for now, until this new little baby girl comes along!}.

I just love these guys, each in their own way. It's so funny... I remember after I had Allie, I absolutely could not imagine loving another little person like I loved her. I even cried about it when I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child. Then Kole came along and my heart grew... then Hannah came along and my heart grew even more. I have no doubt, as hard as mother-hood will be with 4 kids, that once this new baby girl comes, my heart is going to be HUGE! I sure feel like one lucky mamma!

Here's some wrestling time with daddy. This is pretty much a daily occurrence before bedtime each night. This is usually when I just sit back on the couch and soak it in. Even though we have a lot of things up in the air right now and we may have more questions than answers, I feel very content with my life. I have a very happy heart. :o)

Hannah-15 months...

God, I love these girls. Hannah is just getting more fun by the minute. She truly has each one of us in this house wrapped around her littlest little finger. She rules this house and she knows it! Being the youngest of 3 kids, she's really taken on a 'fight or flight' personality. She is a tough, feisty little gal... and she pretty much has to be to survive around here. She gets drug around by her toes, squeezed & hauled around by her arm pits. She really does take a lot around here... it's pretty funny. But she's a trooper and just goes with it, because that's all she really knows. LOL!

I love these pictures that I was able to capture last weekend. Such a typical weekend morning sharing some cereal with big sister Allie...