FAIL...

Yup... for all of you keeping track, I FAILED my 30 day thankful challenge. You win! 

Ugh. I rarely get a free moment now-a-days and when I do... I.JUST.DON'T.FEEL.LIKE.WRITTING.

THE END

{Day 3}...

I am grateful for my belief in God and the after life. I'm not a hugely spiritual person. I was not raised in a religious family. I never went to church. I'm not of a certain religion. I don't know a ton about the Bible, but I do know one thing... there is a God and when you die, it is not the end. I take great comfort in knowing this. I try to live a good life and teach my kids to live a good life... not just be sympathetic towards other people but, more importantly, teach them to be empathetic. I believe when you truly learn to be empathetic, you grow as a person and become a better person... with a better heart. I'm not certain that this is enough to get me to Heaven, but I'd like to believe it is.

... I don't know exactly where I'm going with all of this. I'm kind of rambling here. But, I'm grateful to know there is a God. I'm grateful that when I pray at night, I know there is someone listening. A close family friend died early this morning. I'm not sad for her. After all, how can you be sad for someone who is dancing, singing & laughing in the clouds and feels nothing but happiness and joy right now? I'm grateful and comforted that, that is what I believe. Her family & friends and all who are left behind are who I am sad for.

I've had several close people die in the last couple of years. They were all truly good people with good hearts. I just can't imagine them anywhere but in Heaven. Through each death, my belief in God and a continued after life has grown... and for that I am grateful.

R.I.P. Sue.

{Day2}...

Quiet morning/midnight snuggles. I don't care when they happen... I'll take them when I can get them. Sitting in a dark, quiet house with a snuggly baby, while the rest of the world is sleeping is like ahhhhh... the calm before the storm.  I don't get too many from Allie & Kole anymore... stinkers. So, I have to really soak up the ones with Clare & Hannah as much as I can, because soon I'm sure those will be few and far between too. Pretty soon Tim will be the only person who will snuggle with me! Hannah loves to snuggle. If I sit down during the day, right away she brings me her blanket, binky & kindle and says, 'nuggle me you'. Today {and everyday} I am thankful for snuggles.

 

Even this beast likes a good snuggle!

30 Days of Thanks

It's November... you know, the month we're supposed to 'give thanks'.  So what better way to break my blogging drought than to share with the wordl what it is that I'm thankful for. These 'thanks' are in no particular order. So here goes...

{DAY 1}...

 

Patience. I am thankful for the way that my patience has evolved through each child. Today I am a MUCH more patient mom than I've ever been.

 

 I've had several life happenings that have taught me a thing or two about being patient. But nothing has taught me more about patience than having 4 kids. I posted about Clare & her tupperware on Facebook this week, but I think it's a good example. I get so tired of cleaning up tupperware and half the time I end up having to run some of it through the dishwasher just to put it back and do it all over again. BUT... emptying the cupboard makes Clare happy, so we do it 365 times a day. She also likes to help me empty the dishwasher. Honestly, sometimes this drives me nuts. I quickly remove all the knives and then let her {one by one} remove each piece of silverware and throw it on the floor at my feet, for me to pick up and put it in the drawer. Everyday. We do this everyday. Patience. I remind myself ALL THE TIME that they won't be little forever and someday I'm going to miss it. Or how about Kole and his 356 hypothetical questions per day? This kid is the KING of hypothetical questions. But I answer them... and I will continue to answer them every.single.day until he asks them no more. Ahhhh, patience. And Hannah... oh sweet sweet Hannah... she is the one who taught me all about this patience stuff. Once I fully learned to be patient with my kids and really just let stuff go, let them have fun, let them be kids, I've found that I am so much happier and my kids are so much happier. You will NEVER EVER walk into my house and see it spotless, laundry completley done and put away, kitchen clean, sink empty. Nope... you'll always see toys out in our front yard {sorry neighbors!}, leaves or dirt tracked in through the house, kids & animals running amok, Hannah & Clare probably naked. Patience. Now, I'm no where near perfect. I can lose my cool with the best of em! I can't tell you how many times a day I have to take a deep breath and repeat 'Lord, give me patience'. Lets just all pray that this patience stuff sticks around through Hannah's horrible 3's {God help me, that's just 2 weeks away!}.





Compton Update...

Ooooh Memorial Day weekend, how I love you! You are giving me 3 {unheard of!} consecutive days with my husband at home... no work, no school & no POST. Yayyy!!! And lets not forget what Memorial Day is really all about. I'm grateful, trust me, I am! Having 2 brothers in the military... 1 who is currently deployed {for the 3rd time in 6 years!} and the other just graduated bootcamp last week. Thinking of them and what they are sacraficing makes me eternally grateful for the ones that have sacraficed their lives.

I've been HORRIBLE at blogging for the last year or so. I feel like I used to be so good at writting but over the years, I've kind of lost that creative fun side of me. My creative energy is currently going towards fixing up our house.

Soooo here's the Compton happenings...

Clare is almost 11 months old... seriously, I can hardly believe it! It seems like I blinked and she was crawling! But, truely, I'm ok with it. I know thats not right thing to say. I should be saying, "stay a baby forever... blah blah blah." But no, I've done my share of baby time, please don't stay a baby forever. lol! No seriously, she is the sweetest, most easy going baby. She has slept through the night since day one and continues to do so {praise Jesus!}, she's crawling everywhere, climbs up the stairs and eats EVERYTHING she can off the ground. She is very much like Allie was when she was a baby. Clare takes a lot of crap from the othe kids, so I have no doubt she'll be a toughy. Kole & Hannah often have a hard time remembering that she is not a rag doll... poor kid.

Hannah... is just Hannah. She still continues to be my spirited child. She's the one that you'll see me carrying, kicking & screaming out of Fred Meyer because she doesn't want to leave PlayLand {Fred Meyer's chilcare center}. I literally have to plan out our exits from places we go because I know that their will always be a meltdown... and 98% of the time, it's Hannah. She is the one that you will see running naked down the street. She's the reason we have to start loading up in the car 10 minutes early because she HAS.TO.BUCKLE.HERSELF! Very frusturating on the mornings we are running late to take the kids to school! She has to do everything herself. I find that our family runs on Hannah time and we all tiptoe around her, as to not to set her off. I know this is not somthing to be proud of, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to get through the day. Hannah is also one of the funniest kids I know. Half of the stuff she says & does, I have no idea where she came up with it! Funny little thing!

Allie & Kole are just finishing up school. Kole just graduated from preschool last week! YAY! Preschool was a bit of a mixed bag of emotions. Some days he liked it but most days he did not. He struggled with several different issues this year, healthwise, but he made it! And now we move onto Kindergarten, which I think he is going to LOVE! Allie really had a successful 1st grade year. She really struggled with reading at the beginning but her awesome teacher started staying with her every Wednesday after school to some reading activities with her to help her build up her confidence and it make a world of a difference. She actually really likes to read now and I and forever grateful to her teacher for that!

Tim just graduated with is associates in Criminal Justice. It seemed like a long 1.5yrs coming! He is sooo happy to have it done! He is also almost done with POST. We are all ready to get our lives back to 'normal'. Tim is a VERY hands on kind of dad, so it's been hard on all of us to have him away so much. I have to say, though... once again, Tim & I have proven to grow stronger in a hard time, and I am so proud of both of us for that. I just love that man!

As for me... I've just been holding down the fort. I am LOVING being a stay-at-home mom. We definitly have our hard moments that I don't love so much, but the good always out weigh the bad. I am really looking forward to the summer with the kids. We'll be hanging at the pool, staying lots of extra long weekends in McCall, playing with friends, going to Seattle and maybe even a trip to Vegas in August {eeeek!}.

I'm running out of time.. I'll post some pictures later this weekend! Happy Memorial Day everyone!

WANT!

Roller Coaster of Emotions...

This whole unexpected pregnancy had really thrown me for a loop. Tim & I toyed with the idea of having a 4th child... but that thought really didn't last long. Our lives were already full, the 3 kids we had already kept us busier than busy and I already felt that my time with each one was stretched to it's limit. I had 3 kids, how could I love another one as much as I loved them? Hannah was to be my last baby... so naturally I had babied her. I couldn't imagine her being a big sister... she was supposed to be my baby. So, in our hearts, we were done and ready to move onto the next stage of our lives... raising our 3 children. No more pregnancies... I gave away all of my maternity clothes. No more newborns... I gave away all of my baby clothes. No more all nighters with a newborn, no more nursing... and my heart was ok with this. I was ready to move on from that stage.
I remember feeling very angry and in disbelief when I found out I was pregnant. It didn't feel real to me. I just could not wrap my mind around having another baby in our family. This was not in our plans and I had already mentally checked out of the whole pregnancy & newborn thing. Over time, friends & family would ask how 'I was doing', 'how I was feeling' & if 'I was getting excited' and my answers were always the same... 'I'm not ready'... 'I still can't believe I'm having another baby'... 'it doesn't feel real yet' and sometimes I'd just lie and put on a good smile and say 'yes, we're so excited!' These were my answers pretty much right up until I delivered. LOL! I didn't buy anything or set anything up for this unexpected baby until pretty much a few weeks before she arrived. One thing that did help through this roller coaster of emotions {to say the least} was that this was a really easy pregnancy physically. I did not get sick, I never got terribly achy or hormonal and I was sleeping through the night for the most part up until I delivered.

I got my cerclage placed at 13 weeks, took my 22 weeks of progesterone injections {man am I glad I'll NEVER have to do those again!} and then got my cerclage removed at 35 weeks. Hannah arrived 7 days after my cerclage was removed so I was expecting about the same with this one. So we waited... and waited... and waited. My anxiety about delivery day was through the roof this time around. You'd think, this being my 4th, I would feel confident but I was sooo scared and I can't really explain why. I'm typically not an anxious person but I told Tim that he was going to have to pull me into that hospital kicking & screaming when the time came. At my 38 week check-up I was 5cm dialated and contracting off & on. My goal with this LAST baby was not to have to use pitocin like I did with my other 3 kids. My mind was completely set on it. I wanted to experience natural contractions and not those harsh pitocin contractions. My dr. was on board with it. Once I hit 39 weeks, I was still 5cm dialated & 100% effaced and contracting more regularly {this is all very normal for me}. I asked if he could just break my water and let me start labor on my own, and he agreed.

Soooo... the evening of July 10th, we had a nice family dinner for my grandma's birthday then we went home and packed our hospital bags {yep, I hadn't even packed MY hospital bag}. We went to bed around 11pm and I cried myself to sleep, thinking of all the things that could go wrong and the possibility of not making it through the delivery and never seeing my children again {silly & dramatic, I know!}. The morning of July 11th, we woke up late {of course!}, I jumped in the shower, got ready while Tim packed the car and said good bye to our sleeping children. We arrived at the hospital and were put in the 'old' part of L&D. The room was very small and a bit out dated. I was quite disappointed and nervous about the amount of room we had for the crew that was going to be with us that day... our photographer, Tim, my mom & my friend Shane. But my nurse was soooooo sweet and so helpful. Both her & my dr. reassured me that it would all be fine and 'the more the merrier!' LOL! Dr. Hodges broke my water around 8:30am. I walked the halls and laid in bed for the next several hours waiting for contractions to pick up. They picked up some, but nothing timable. I should also add that I was put on a new monitoring system for my contractions & baby's heart beat. I had electrodes placed all over my belly and the contractions & heart rate were monitored wirelessly. I was the FIRST women in Idaho to have this done.... so special, right?! ;o) After several hours my nurse suggested I sit on the birthing ball. So the ball it was! I rocked back & forth and side to side for about 15 minutes and my contractions & pressure immediately started to change. I requested an epidural right away because I could tell things were changing FAST. Once my epidural was placed, I was checked and found to be 7cm dialated. Within 20 minutes I called the nurse because I was ready to push. She called my dr. right away and he literally ran from his office across the street to get here in time. I pushed through 3 contractions and out she came. My delivery was PERFECT! And she was healthy! Clare Ann Compton was born at 2:41pm, weighing 6lbs. 12oz. and 18 inches long. She was/is perfect.

How I could have ever questioned/stressed so much how I could ever love another child the way I love my others is now beyond me. I love Clare so much! This is my 4th baby... I should have known that my heart would just grow for her. She is a great sleeper & nurser and just the sweetest little thing. And now of course, I can't imagine NOT having her. My heart is truly so so so happy.

With that said, we are now officially DONE. DONE having kids! This is it. I forgot to mention, we got Tim fixed while I was still pregnant to make sure there would be no more suprises. LOL!