I remember feeling very angry and in disbelief when I found out I was pregnant. It didn't feel real to me. I just could not wrap my mind around having another baby in our family. This was not in our plans and I had already mentally checked out of the whole pregnancy & newborn thing. Over time, friends & family would ask how 'I was doing', 'how I was feeling' & if 'I was getting excited' and my answers were always the same... 'I'm not ready'... 'I still can't believe I'm having another baby'... 'it doesn't feel real yet' and sometimes I'd just lie and put on a good smile and say 'yes, we're so excited!' These were my answers pretty much right up until I delivered. LOL! I didn't buy anything or set anything up for this unexpected baby until pretty much a few weeks before she arrived. One thing that did help through this roller coaster of emotions {to say the least} was that this was a really easy pregnancy physically. I did not get sick, I never got terribly achy or hormonal and I was sleeping through the night for the most part up until I delivered.
I got my cerclage placed at 13 weeks, took my 22 weeks of progesterone injections {man am I glad I'll NEVER have to do those again!} and then got my cerclage removed at 35 weeks. Hannah arrived 7 days after my cerclage was removed so I was expecting about the same with this one. So we waited... and waited... and waited. My anxiety about delivery day was through the roof this time around. You'd think, this being my 4th, I would feel confident but I was sooo scared and I can't really explain why. I'm typically not an anxious person but I told Tim that he was going to have to pull me into that hospital kicking & screaming when the time came. At my 38 week check-up I was 5cm dialated and contracting off & on. My goal with this LAST baby was not to have to use pitocin like I did with my other 3 kids. My mind was completely set on it. I wanted to experience natural contractions and not those harsh pitocin contractions. My dr. was on board with it. Once I hit 39 weeks, I was still 5cm dialated & 100% effaced and contracting more regularly {this is all very normal for me}. I asked if he could just break my water and let me start labor on my own, and he agreed.
Soooo... the evening of July 10th, we had a nice family dinner for my grandma's birthday then we went home and packed our hospital bags {yep, I hadn't even packed MY hospital bag}. We went to bed around 11pm and I cried myself to sleep, thinking of all the things that could go wrong and the possibility of not making it through the delivery and never seeing my children again {silly & dramatic, I know!}. The morning of July 11th, we woke up late {of course!}, I jumped in the shower, got ready while Tim packed the car and said good bye to our sleeping children. We arrived at the hospital and were put in the 'old' part of L&D. The room was very small and a bit out dated. I was quite disappointed and nervous about the amount of room we had for the crew that was going to be with us that day... our photographer, Tim, my mom & my friend Shane. But my nurse was soooooo sweet and so helpful. Both her & my dr. reassured me that it would all be fine and 'the more the merrier!' LOL! Dr. Hodges broke my water around 8:30am. I walked the halls and laid in bed for the next several hours waiting for contractions to pick up. They picked up some, but nothing timable. I should also add that I was put on a new monitoring system for my contractions & baby's heart beat. I had electrodes placed all over my belly and the contractions & heart rate were monitored wirelessly. I was the FIRST women in Idaho to have this done.... so special, right?! ;o) After several hours my nurse suggested I sit on the birthing ball. So the ball it was! I rocked back & forth and side to side for about 15 minutes and my contractions & pressure immediately started to change. I requested an epidural right away because I could tell things were changing FAST. Once my epidural was placed, I was checked and found to be 7cm dialated. Within 20 minutes I called the nurse because I was ready to push. She called my dr. right away and he literally ran from his office across the street to get here in time. I pushed through 3 contractions and out she came. My delivery was PERFECT! And she was healthy! Clare Ann Compton was born at 2:41pm, weighing 6lbs. 12oz. and 18 inches long. She was/is perfect.
How I could have ever questioned/stressed so much how I could ever love another child the way I love my others is now beyond me. I love Clare so much! This is my 4th baby... I should have known that my heart would just grow for her. She is a great sleeper & nurser and just the sweetest little thing. And now of course, I can't imagine NOT having her. My heart is truly so so so happy.
With that said, we are now officially DONE. DONE having kids! This is it. I forgot to mention, we got Tim fixed while I was still pregnant to make sure there would be no more suprises. LOL!
